the letdown

Our first month of trying has come and gone.  I'm not pregnant.  :( 
I am disappointed.  I am sad.  I feel let down.
All of which are very normal, I think.  Expected in fact.

But what surprised me where the other emotions.
I cried.
I got mad at my hubby for not wanting to try until now.  If we had started earlier maybe this month would've been the one.
I got mad at hubby's work.  He was away on business during some very crucial days.  Had he been home maybe things would be different now.
I got mad at my body for misleading me.  I had some sort of stomach flu which threw me off.
I got mad at myself for feeling so upset.

But then I got my crap together and reminded myself of many things.
I reminded myself that getting pregnant the first month of trying is far from an easy task.
I reminded myself that this is nothing compared to what couples struggling with issues like infertility go through.
I reminded myself that we have pressured ourselves into a certain time frame and that that adds stress.
I reminded myself that my body has not failed me, rather being sick with a stomach flu was a real thing.  If I wasn't trying to get pregnant I would've known that my symptoms were in fact what they were, flu symptoms.
And most importanty, I reminded myself that May is in fact another month, another chance to try.

I'm good now.  Over it. 
Seeing hubby's disappointment reminded me that I'm not alone in this.  Support is everything.
And looking at little guy reminds me that I am truly blessed.  I love him so much.

I think I will treat myself to a warm, relaxing bubble bath (I've read some articles that this is not the best idea for pregnant women, but I'll post more about that later).
I may also treat myself to a new haircut and color (there's controversy about the safety of hair color during pregnancy, especially in the first trimmester).

You know, because May is another month.  ;)