still waiting

We're waiting.  It's still too early to know anything for this month of trying.
The waiting game requires patience, and a lot of it.  I try my best to go about normal life and not think too much about it.  But that's not always so easy to do.  When you want to be pregnant, suddenly the world becomes full of pregnancy and baby things.  Baby talk is all around.  Pregnant ladies are all around (my school has like a bizillion pregnant teachers this year...lol).  Friends and family pressuring us to have another.  And then there's that whole "act like you're pregnant, until you know you're not" thing.  Like today, I had to be careful by not ordering deli meat from Subway.

Then there's me playing see-saw.  Keeping an eye on my body and how I feel, wondering if I could be, but telling myself reasons why I should not get my hopes up.  Up and down we go.

UP:  I'm feeling tired to the point that I've fallen asleep a couple times this week for a short catnap on my sofa (something I never do). 

DOWN:  However, I've made efforts to cut down on caffeine and I'm not sleeping enough at night.

UP:  I have to pee a lot more (a sign with my first pregnancy). 

DOWN:  However, I do drink a lot of water.

UP:  I've had this slight feeling, kinda like heartburn, sometimes a little more than that. 

DOWN:  However, I had this feeling last month while I had the flu.  Maybe I'm just having heartburn or maybe I ate something that didn't agree with me too well.

UP:  I got a couple of small pimples, a sign of pregnany. 

DOWN:  However, I always get a pimple or two the week before my period.

UP:  My breasts possibly feel different (ever so slighty btw). 

DOWN:  However, I always have tenderness a couple of days before my period.

UP:  And I won't go too personal with the whole bodily fluid talk, but what I'm seeing could be a sign. 

DOWN:  However, it is normal for me to have a similar situation before menstration.

I think it's just a case of, "I want another baby, I want to be pregnant." vs.  "Don't get your hopes up.  The more you think about it and want it, the more disappointed you'll be when "your friend" comes and you find out you're not pregnant."

So, in order to help me out, I'll be taking a week or so off blogging.  I don't want to think or talk too much about pregnancy (which is incredibly hard to do these days when so many around me are pregnant, but I'm so happy for them (truly I am) that I kinda sorta don't mind all the talk, at least for now...if this game goes on for months I may feel differently, just being honest here). 

So, until the next post...

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